So this is a note I posted on facebook a long time ago as I was telling my friend Ethan the truth about llamas. I feel like the word needs to be spread, hence this posting on YEMDS.
Via Facebook Chat:
Me, to Ethan at approximately 3 am:
I’m going to tell you a crazy story
and tomorrow you have to try and remember it
it can be a bedtime story
okay here it is
Long, long ago there were the most peaceful, elegant, and graceful creatures on the planet. They weren’t stupid like sloths, and they weren’t overly needy like cats. They mostly just ate grass and stuff and minded their business. They were called “llamas”.
But one day, from a planet far, far away, a foreign mass landed on the territory of the llamas. What ensued was a fate most terrible for the pure creatures. For from that foreign mass poured out thousands of crazed, evil alien masterminds and so began The Trail of Llama Tears.
There was anguish. There was bloodshed. It was a sight worthy of a Lifetime movie.
After seven days, the weakest of the llama clan had been weeded out. Those left behind no longer had strength to fight and so submitted to their rivals. It was on this day that The Transition began.
One by one, the aliens sucked out each llama’s soul and replaced it with one of their own kind, an act of possession and deception to follow. For the scheme of the alien race extended beyond controlling the llama clan.
A civilization of evil aliens is a most horrible thing. But a civilization of evil aliens disguised as a civilization of the immaculate creature that is llama is a most cruel and fatal weapon to humankind.
To this day, there exists no pure llama on earth. They are, sadly, all bloodsucking mutant rude aliens.
These creatures should be avoided at all costs-and remember, if it is absolutely imperative that you place yourself in the vicinity of a llama for any reason- may the gods in the heavens grace you with enough Spaghettio’s to ward the evil buggers off (as Spaghettio’s are, obviously, the only weakness of the evil llama aliens).
Ethan, I don’t feel like you’re listening…